


To Feel Loved

by melxncholly



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 20:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2885834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melxncholly/pseuds/melxncholly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Ostagar, Talia Amell reflects on her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Feel Loved

**Author's Note:**

> its 4 in the morning and im rlly tired. this is unbeta'd so i apologize for any mistakes or what have u  
> the titles rlly cheesey too o god

She sat near the fire and stared. King Cailan was dead. _Duncan_ was dead. The man who saved her from her fate at the circle tower laid dead and cold in the ruins of Ostagar. The Grey Wardens were supposed traitors to Ferelden, and she was quite certain that she would not be welcomed back to the circle tower.

Talia Amell was quite certain that she was going to fail. She couldn’t track down the Dalish, or speak with the dwarves of Orzamar. The circle would not welcome her back with open arms after what she did and she certainly could not unite a nation torn apart by the Teyrn. No, she felt like a child again, ripped from her brother’s hug and torn from her home.

She felt useless.

Completely and utterly useless.

Hot tears threatened to spill over and she quickly wiped them away. She couldn’t cry, she didn’t have the _right_ to cry. Alistair had every reason to be upset. He lost his family. Morrigan had every right to be upset. She was forced to help this hopeless quest. Talia though? Talia had no reason to sob. Everything that had happened to her had been her own fault. If only she had said no to Jowan. If only she had let the First Enchanter know what he was planning to do. Then maybe, _maybe_ she would be safe and warm in the tower.

The tears ran down her face with a fury. It was no use to try and hold it in. She was always emotional, too emotional Jowan would say. How she passed her harrowing Talia would never know. She hid her face in an attempt to quiet her sobs and make her unnoticeable. If anyone saw her tears she simply couldn’t take it. It would be shameful to show herself like this to her companions, she wouldn’t be able to let it go.

“Talia?” The mage cursed her stupid, rotten luck. She did not look up, instead she tried to quiet her sobs and stop her shaking. She heard Alistair approach from behind and kneel by her side, a comforting hand rested on her back. “Talia what’s wrong?”

He sounded so worried too. The very thought of him being worried about her made her want to laugh. He shouldn’t be worried about her. She was a mage, a sinner in the Makers eyes. It was men with power like hers that brought the darkspawn, men who caused the death of the man Alistair looked towards most.

It was her fault in the end too.

“I’m sorry.” Talia’s voice was muffled by her hands. She wanted to melt into the background, to be invisible. She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. Being out in the open made her feel vulnerable and scared; too many people could see her if she was in the open.

“Talia what? I… you’ve got nothing to be sorry for? What’s brought this on?” Alistair was confused and rightfully so. She couldn’t bear to look at him.

“It-it was my fault! This cursed magic had brought nothing but pain!” She wiped at the tears in a desperate attempt to get them to stop. They didn’t. “The Chantry is right to fear us! If only we didn’t have this power, then the darkspawn would have never come! Duncan would have never di-died!” Speaking of Duncan renewed her grief. The tears came with a greater force than before and she could do nothing but sob into her hands. What a child she was.

Feeling Alistair’s arms wrap around her was surprising. Feeling the man hold her to his chest was even more so. She did not question it. She sobbed louder now, sobbed against Alistair’s chest and let out her grief. Alistair rubbed her arms awkwardly, unsure of where to put his hands or what to do. But he stayed with her. He held her close and spoke quietly to her, as if she was a child once more. It was soothing. Calmed her in a way Talia wasn’t sure possible. In the circle she was always so afraid to touch others, afraid to hug her friends or be close to another body.

It was nice to be held though. It was nice to feel loved.


End file.
